RR5 002: Club Sandwiches, Not Seals

Club Sandwiches, Not Seals is a Road Rules 5: Northern Trail episode first aired on 1998-01-19.

The episode featured Jonathan Holmes, Roni Martin, Tara McDaniel, Dan Setzler, Noah Rickun and Anne Wharton.

Official Description
My gosh - what's happened to the driver of the car that spun out of control?! Here comes an ambulance, lights flashing and siren wailing. They're pulling someone out of the car - it's Vince. He can walk - but his back hurts. The paramedics strap him onto the stretcher and slide him into the back of the ambulance. Erika runs across the track and jumps into the ambulance with Vince. Meanwhile, Tara has taken the lead away from Vince and - whoosh - she finishes first. The winner! Tara confesses she feels guilty for taking first place from Vince since he was injured. Dan privately confesses that he is very impressed with Tara's driving. And that's not all...

Vince convinces the paramedics that his injuries aren't so bad - hey, I can walk just fine. Vince jumps out of the ambulance and everything is OK. Tara accepts her first place trophy and the Islands cast hits the road - good luck to everyone!

Roni takes the wheel of the Winnie - now that she's driven a race car, she thinks she can handle the Winnie. Dan helps her back out of the parking space and reminds her to use the rearview mirrors. Everyone stand back... Now Roni is getting pulled over by a cop. She's shaking - it could be her first ticket. Roni pulls the Winnie curbside and the copper sidles over to her window. He hands her a ticket - a citation for not having a clue! Hey, this ticket is a clue - "travel to Seattle to go clubbing with the stars." Hmm...

The Roadies pull into a youth hostel in Seattle and get a single room with three bunk beds - that's cozy. Noah postulates that they will probably end up being caddies - get it, "go clubbing with the stars." Roni does not want to take part in the mission, explaining, "historically, caddies were black." Yikes, that's a good point...

As everyone settles in to their new surroundings, Anne slips out for a few hours to buy Noah a gift. That's right, it's his birthday. What would a boy like Noah want? Anne decides to get the guy something very special - something she knows he will need...

That night, Noah discovers a gift on his pillow. Anne jumps on his bed as he tears the package open. Guitar strings! Remember, Noah is really attached to his instrument and he only like one type of string. Anne watches Noah's face for a reaction. Noah tosses the packet of strings on the floor, "thanks", and stretches out on his bed. Anne is stunned speechless - the ingratitude! She's pissed and let's him know it, storming out of the room. This must be the hate part of that love/hate relationship thing... Meanwhile, Dan and Tara cuddle alone in the dark and parked Winnie. Dan asks, "do you believe that we have one true love in life?" Tara is absolutely sure of it, "the rest are just practice." Dan privately confesses that he's digging Tara's scene and something could definitely happen between them. They stroll arm and arm back into the hostel.

The next morning, Anne is the first to rise. She makes a point of waking up Dan and Tara - yeah, he's in her bed. Anne reminds the love doves, "you guys were the whisper twins last night - you kept me up for hours!" Dan and Tara apologize, "we talked all night - we've only slept for one hour!" You talked all night, huh...

A quick shower for all, not a group shower you perv, and the Roadheads motor on over to a fancy golf course for the Wagner / Dalton Charity Golf Tournament. The place is packed. Our cast strolls into the organizer's both for their assignment - yup, they're going to be caddies. But wait - isn't that Al from that show HOME IMPROVEMENT?! Yeah, he's the host and the mayor of this mission. Guess what guys, you're not just caddies today.

Each of you will be assigned five words. As you walk the course, you must get your golfer to utter the five words you have been assigned. Without telling him he must say the words. Get it? It's pretty hard. Especially once the words are assigned. Here's a sample: plaid, moo-goo-guy-pan, groovy-baby, etc. You get the idea. For every word uttered, Al (a sponsor of the event) will donate a hundred bucks to the charity on behalf of the Roadies. Well, that's nice, but we kind of need the money ourselves! Well, caddies do receive tips sometimes...

Now each roadie is assigned a celebrity golfer. Noah, meet Samuel Jackson. Anne, meet Daniel Baldwin (one of that pack of brothers). Tara, meet Chris McDonald - he was on THE TRACY ULMAN SHOW. Jon, meet Casey Sander - he's on that show GRACE UNDER FIRE. Dan, meet Rollie Fingers - he's a professional baseball player. Roni, meet Detlef Schrempf - and say that ten times fast.

Now it's a hilarious afternoon as the Roadies stroll the course and try to get their golfers to cough up the right words. You've really gotta see this one to believe it. Roni is trying to get Detlef to say "groovy baby." What's that phrase from the sixties? The guy thinks she's insane. Tara asks Chris, "what kind of pants are those?" Golf pants. No. "Plaid?" Yes, that's it! By the end eighteen holes, each Roadie has gotten his golfer to say all five words - a true miracle. That's $3000 for the charity! Not bad for a day's work. Now Daniel Baldwin gives Anne a two hundred dollar tip - hey that was nice. He calls our cast over to a water hazard. He chips a ball into the water and explains, "your next clue is on that ball." What?! Dan rips off his pants and dives into the drink. That boy is on the ball... He struggles out of the water, soaked again, clutching the ball - but the ball is blank! Now Daniel pulls the real ball from his pocket and reads the clue aloud (what a joker): "Check THIRD EYE BLIND TAPE."

The Roadies dash back to the Winnie and grab their THIRD EYE BLIND tape from the dash - now dash off to meet the ultra cutting-edge band! Kewl...